Breast reconstruction is a funny thing. The look and shape of the breast seems to
change constantly, depending on the day, how I slept the night before,
gravitational pull of the Earth. It always looks different to me. Some days I
can see ripples in it, similar to what you see at the beach as a wave retreats.
I’m told that I shouldn’t have any expectations on the
outcome based on how they look at this stage. That’s a good thing, cause they
are pretty damn ugly right now. The foobs
are fugly.
They’re also very uncomfortable. I had my first fill on
Monday of this week. We added 75ccs on each side. The fill process itself didn’t hurt at all,
but it was emotional and I had a good bit of anxiety around it. I took a Vicodin the first night just to get
comfortable enough to sleep. It helped but I was hungover the next day. What a
shame to have to suffer a hangover without the benefit of the fun. Where’s the vodka in that?
Five days post fill and I’m still rather uncomfortable. Had
trouble getting comfortable enough to sleep last night – both in terms of a good
sleeping position and in terms of pain. Not excruciating pain, but enough to
make me take notice. I can’t sleep on either side very comfortably or at least
for very long. My arms fall asleep. And I’m damn tired of sleeping on my back
propped up. Though when I get tired enough, I’ll admit any position feels
pretty good.
Throughout this process, I’ve considered documenting my reconstruction
with pictures. I oscillate on the issue,
and I have concerns that the pictures will be too scary for you to see.
But…they are what they are...and its all part of the process, right?
In the pictures below, I am 5 days post-first fill and 12
weeks plus 2 days post bi-lateral mastectomy. It doesn’t feel like 3 months
post-surgery. I’m a little disappointed that we are that far out and I’m not
any closer to a final conclusion. On the other hand, I suppose this is something
not to be rushed.
Patience has never been one of my better points.
Tip: If you're the squeamish sort, you should look the other way. :-)
This is a full frontal shot. You can see both incisions, but the one on the left looks like it's pissed off. And it probably is. Both incisions have been cut twice, it's been 7 weeks since the last surgery. On the left, you can see the half-moon shaped incision from the lumpectomy. You can also see the incisions where the nipples were removed. Once the implants are in, both incisions will sit straight across the breast rather than under the breast in the mammary fold.
