How far I've come...

I like to think about how far I've come in just a year. From the initial diagnosis to the expander discomfort of today...it's been a long amazing road. I think back to the fear and horror of learning that not only did I have breast cancer, but I had the worst possible kind of breast cancer. The fear was overwhelming. I didn't always handle it very well. 

And today...well, today I am whining about how uncomfortable my expanders are. But really...the discomfort of stretching skin and muscle to accommodate my new boobs is nothing compared to the misery accompanying chemo. So I should just shut up and stop whining about how much my foobs hurt. Cause I'm in a pretty good place considering where I was a year ago. Or even just 6 months ago.

And it gets even better when I think about the conversation with my plastic surgeon yesterday. He says maybe one more fill and then we will be ready to start thinking about the swap surgery (where we swap the expanders for the implants) in March. That's 2 months ahead of schedule. I think he was trying to appease me with the story of " just one more expansion" to help me get through it. Cause I was complaining loudly about how uncomfortable I am and how I can't sleep. But really...maybe I should do two more expansions. Cause although there can be a re-do, it will be so much easier to do it right the first time.

Instead of settling for a small C cup, I could just suck it up and go for a more fuller C cup. Maybe. It depends on when you ask me. If its on a morning after a really restless sleepless night cause there are not enough pillows in the world to make me comfortable at night...then I will tell you I am DONE. But other times I'm more tolerant. And not nearly as bitchy and whiny.

Overall, it's not so bad. Whoever told me the reconstruction process would be a piece of cake compared to the other shit I've been through was spot on. So much easier and so much more hopeful. Where treatment was about trying not to die, reconstruction is about the future. Way better.

So in about a month or so I will have amazing new boobs. Particularly amazing for a 53 year old woman who breast fed a really big hungry baby and had the boobs to show for it. They will be firm and perky. Ridiculous even perhaps for a woman my age, but I'll take them. Particularly since they won't try to kill me like the other ones did.