Apparently chemo makes you stupid.
My oncologist and I had a good laugh over that today. It was the sort of laughter that brings tears to your eyes, but then you realize you are crying because its true.
It's true. Chemo made me stupid. Well, actually, it's officially called "chemo induced cognitive disorder".
Some days it's worse than others. Some days, or hours, I feel absolutely normal. On other days, I realize it's taking me longer to complete tasks or I can't focus or drill down into a complex project. It always comes back to me, but in that moment...I feel supremely stupid and horribly aware that I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was.
My oncologist said to me repeatedly today: You are not stupid. You have ingested enormous amounts of harsh drugs and had more anesthesia than most folks have in 3 lifetimes. You are not stupid.
Ugh. The stupidity will last quite some time - often up to 5 years. So like any good 3rd grader who can't pay attention in class, I'm going to start taking my Ritalin like a good little girl.
I feel way better that there is a drug that will counteract what the other drugs did to my brain.
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