They told me these next four Taxol infusions would be like night and day difference from my last four Adramycian/Cytoxal infusions. I got excited. Really excited. Thought I'd have more energy, wouldn't feel sick for so long, thought I could see the light at the end of the chemo.
My idea of night and day difference must be twisted. They said not so many GI ailments. Check. They were right about that one. But they forgot to tell me about the bone pain. And the fire burning in my feet. And the "I'm thirsty but I'm too tired to reach into the cabinet for a glass" fatigue. This is someone's idea of different?
Yea, ok. So its different. But it's still bad.
Just when I think I've seen the worst fatigue EVER, I discover I haven't. And is bone pain really that much better than nausea? Guess it depends on your perspective, or how badly your pelvis/legs/ankles/hands ache.
I'm not just disappointed, I'm down right annoyed. I called the nurse line Saturday morning to beg for drugs for the bone pain and the headache. The nurse didn't really want to leave the comfort of her AC in this heat wave to meet me at the office to hand off the serious drugs, cause she told me to take Tylenol alternated with Advil. Seriously? Has her pelvis ever felt like it was going to crack in half?? For this kind of pelvic pain, I expect to have a baby to show for my efforts.
This is the first time in my chemo career I've wanted or needed pain medication. Mostly, I just want the nausea to go away. I sorta get now how some folks would do crazy things for pain meds. Not that I'm in excruciating pain. Just enough pain for long enough to teeter at the emotional edge and make me consider telling my oncologist for flippin' forget the last three treatments.
But, no, I'll suck it up and take the last three treatments. But only if they give me enough pain meds to make me sleep through the following week. Or fly through it on rainbows. And in pretty dreams.
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