Chemo: Round Six

You may be tired of hearing this and I'm certainly tired of saying it, but chemo S*U*C*K*S.  This last infusion beat me up with intense bone pain and neuropathy. And this was after they told me the new drug, Abraxane, would be easier for me with fewer side effects. 

Right. That's what they said about Taxol and look what happened there! Bone pain. Headache for days. Neuropathy. Ick.

What is it I blogged about back in the spring? Oh yea. They Lie. Indeed they do. About how much something will hurt, about the severity of side effects, about everything that matters in my world right now.

I said this before the last infusion, but I'm thinking really hard on it now...I may refuse the last two infusions. The Oncologist may take the matter out of my hands and decide not to do the last two infusions due to the neuropathy.  But aside from that...I may make that decision on my own.

I've had enough. My body has had enough. My spirit has had enough. I'm tired and worn out. Sick of being sick (I've said that before too....).

And now I have the mastectomy and reconstruction to look forward to in September. I need a break.

But on the other hand...even as I write this...I'm thinking: This is my one shot to kick this animal to the curb. There is no other therapy available for my type of cancer. This is it. Sigh.
On the upside, my appetite is coming back. Not much good tho since I can't really taste anything and my tongue is numb. But at least the sight of food doesn't make me gag any more. Small blessings.

I'm told chemo is sorta like the agony of childbirth. Once its over, you forget the pain and enjoy the wonder of your newborn child. So, once chemo is over I will forget the misery and enjoy being cancer free. Ummm....not so sure about that. Maybe. Need to think on that.

Ugh. I have two weeks to figure it out. Next infusion is Aug 1.