One of my sources of support throughout my cancer crisis has been the message forums on a few of the more reputable web sites like BreastCancer.Org and the Susan G. Komen site. Early on, someone advised me to stay off the internet in this regard, but I found that advice slightly insulting, as though I'm not smart enough to know good information from bad.
Generally, these forums are full of good dependable information and support from the "sisters". (I'm still coming to terms with some of the more popular Breast Cancer terms like "sisters", "survivor", and "journey".) However, once in a while, I read something that would suggest I'd best start planning my funeral, just to get a jump on things.
For instance, I have a particular sub-type of breast cancer known as Triple Negative. Not much is known about this sub-type except it is aggressive and doesn't respond at all to hormonal therapy, only to chemotherapy. It has a high rate of recurrence in bad places. A kind lady posted recently on BreastCancer.Org that since she was TN, 62 years old, and a healthcare professional who knows how these things go, she is choosing to forego chemo hell and live the rest of her days as best she can since we all know the survival rate beyond 5 years sucks.
Whoa! Now, I've heard this before, and in fact...my medical oncologist even said as much, except in a much more optimistic fashion. IE, if you DON'T have chemo and you DON'T take this VERY seriously, it will kill you. Mostly, everything I've read - and I have made it my responsibility to educate myself on my own illness - indicates that yes...the recurrence rate is high and yes...it's aggressive...HOWEVER, the survival rates are good IF you suck it up and take the chemo and do the million other things you are told to do by your doctors.
Maybe that makes me a conformist. Because, all I can say is YES MAAM, I will have the chemo and I will do whatever I am told to do to be sure I am not dead in 5 years. I am 52 years old. Waaayyy too young to start putting in calls to the funeral home to arrange my next life.
On the other hand, maybe the early advice I received was right....stay off the internet. But I really don't think so. I think its good to know - and understand - all the options. I am an intelligent thoughtful woman...I can read something, consider its worth, and take it or toss it. Cause I'm smart.
The worth of the forum post re opting out of chemo? Zip. It's her right. I'm sure she is smart and thoughtful too. She just chooses to approach it differently. Or maybe - and I think this is more likely - she is just in a place where she is overwhelmed with the illness and information being thrown at her. Next week, she'll feel differently. Or maybe her family will beat some sense into her. Or get a court order forcing her to do what is necessary to save her own life. Or maybe she'll live the rest of her life on her own terms. Which is how it should be.
Me? I'm conforming. I'm doing the chemo, even though I dread each session more and more. Chemo makes me sick and depressed. Doing it anyhow doesn't mean I'm strong. It means I'm weak because I am afraid not to do the chemo. I am afraid of the consequences.
My prediction? I'm going to live a long while yet. I'll likely see a recurrence and I'll likely take more chemo to fight it....down the road. I'll deal with it. Cancer will probably be what sends me to the great beyond. Someday. But for today...I'm trudging through these 8 cycles of chemo hell cause to do otherwise is giving up. No matter how sick and depressed I feel, giving up isn't in my DNA.
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